I am 31 and dying of cancer. I always did “everything right” but have one huge regret. Don’t make my mistake.
Amanda Hedges will never forgive herself for “forgetting to live.”
The 31-year-old thought she had plenty of time to enjoy seaside holidays, trips to the zoo, or simply visiting the snack aisle at Costco someday. After all, only one of her grandparents had passed away, and her impressive health record suggested she was on track for a long life. She had never been to the hospital and expected to live for decades.
Instead, she “gave most of her life” to work, worries, and merely existing. Now, she’s dying of cancer.
The young woman from Brisbane has glioblastoma, an aggressive and terminal brain cancer. It is inoperable, and although she is enduring endless rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, the treatment will not cure her.
“The idea is to extend my life. The cancer won’t go away,” Amanda told FEMAIL.
Her heartbreaking journey began in September with what seemed like mild headaches, which she attributed to an increase in her anxiety medication.
“I asked my psychiatrist about it. They weren’t bad headaches and went away with Panadol,” she said.
Her psychiatrist suggested an MRI, noting it was a good precaution for someone her age. Amanda had never undergone an MRI before.
After the scan, Amanda was in the waiting room when the radiographer approached her with a clipboard and explained they needed to repeat the process with contrast.
“I joked, ‘What did you find… a brain tumor?’” she recalled, laughing.
The radiographer’s reply, however, was no joke. “Yes,” they said, deadpan.
Amanda’s world collapsed. The room began to spin, and everything went black.
A Heartbreaking Diagnosis
Amanda is an only child. She feels for her parents, who will have to live with her diagnosis much longer than she will.
“I was sitting in the MRI trying not to cry. If you cry, you move, and they need a clear photo,” she said.
The next day, Amanda and her parents visited the doctor, who provided some reassurance. “The scans showed a mass with firm edges. Most brain tumors are benign,” Amanda was told.
She had no major symptoms, so everyone remained optimistic. Amanda was given two options: wait a month for a public neurosurgeon or go private and see one within a week. Her anxiety pushed her toward the private route.
The tests that followed, including a FETPET scan, revealed devastating news. The tumor was active, and the biopsy confirmed it was cancerous. Her oncologists delivered the terminal diagnosis, shattering any remaining hope.
“My mum and dad were blurting out questions, and I just felt myself shutting down,” she said.
Finally, Amanda asked the question that mattered most to her: “How long do I have?” The doctor’s response was devastating—15 months, at best.
Learning to Live in the Face of Death
Amanda’s first six weeks of treatment, which combined radiotherapy and chemotherapy, left her exhausted, nauseated, and breathless. “It finished three days before Christmas. I was sleeping all day,” she said.
Now, with her next round of chemotherapy looming, Amanda is determined to fulfill as many bucket list dreams as possible.
“If I had my time again, I would do everything differently. I would book a holiday, go to a buffet, or spend a week at the beach. I wouldn’t have worried about money or little things,” she said.
Amanda dreams of staying at a beachfront hotel, listening to the waves, and forgetting her grim reality for a few days. She also wants to visit Australia Zoo and watch Robert Irwin perform, a memory that would reconnect her with her childhood.
Other wishes include going on a cruise and eating at a sushi train without worrying about the cost.
A Cautionary Tale for Others
Amanda is urging young people to reevaluate their priorities.
“None of my old bosses or colleagues are here with me during chemo. It’s my mum, dad, and friends who are supporting me,” she said.
Her regret is palpable: “I wasted 30 years of my life doing nothing and still got cancer.”
Amanda has set up a GoFundMe page to help cover her medical costs and fulfill her bucket list. The expenses are overwhelming, with radiotherapy costing $750 per week and her initial FETPET scan totaling $1,000.
Her condition remains stable for now, but her doctors warn that it could deteriorate rapidly. Seizures, blindness in her left eye, and organ failure are all part of the grim prognosis.
Despite it all, Amanda is determined to make her remaining time count and hopes her story will inspire others to live their lives to the fullest.
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