A Nigerian woman, Haleema, is insisting that her husband still loves her after he married a second wife without informing her.
According to Haleema, her husband said he married the second wife out of pity, hence ‘proving his undying love for her.’
Another proof of his love, according to Haleema, is that he doesn’t answer the second wife’s phone calls in her presence.
However, a marriage therapist, Shamseddin Giwa, said Haleema’s husband’s action doesn’t reflect love because true love is kind, honest and transparent.
“Dear Haleema, I’m sorry marriage has turned this way for you” he wrote.
Nobody can know what truly exists on the mind of another, the best is to read how the person treats you to make an educated assumption.
There are behaviours associated with love and others associated with the opposite.
From what you said: he married another woman without letting you know – it is difficult to see anything about this that reflects love because love is kind and love is honest, love is also transparent.
Marrying someone in secrecy is none of that especially when he defends her.
Even where polygyny is permissible, it is based on the concept of equity and fairness. Again, it is difficult to see how it is fair that she allegedly lives in a bigger house than was gotten for you despite you having grown up children.
The trend is similar in all you’ve said.
However, it is also possible for the above to have happened because your husband misunderstands how to handle polygyny.
I know many men who have used the same approach you have described above because the people around them told them that’s how to go about it.
They are convinced that keeping it a secret initially is the only way it can succeed and that it also saves you the trauma of seeing them marry another woman.
It is also possible that he’s not even the one funding the second house and it may be the woman doing it all.
While the narrative of marrying out of pity happens, it is not always the truth, just something to hide behind. Marriage should be based on strong feelings of attraction and care, not just pity.
That he has been trying to get intimate this period doesn’t confirm it’s for love. It can be because of a feeling of guilt or just to satisfy a chore.
I’m sorry but nothing about this points to love.
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